Do you believe these words of mine?
by Purema
Summary: "I have promised to myself that Arthur himself is the only one who can make me believe he is not worth it." "… He is doing quite great job at that already, isn't he?" "… yes…" Oneshot.


_Do you believe these words of mine?_

"Why on earth you protect him? He's a son of a murderer and holds his father´s laws close to his heart. He's not worth it." Said a sorcerer with pity and pain in his voice.

"He has already showed that he is tens of times better man than his father ever was. I won't judge the son for his father's crimes." Said Merlin his face emotionless.

"But he would judge you because of who your father was, wouldn't he? No matter what your father had done, no matter what _you_ had done your precious King would kill you because of the blood in your veins. According to him you was the embodiment of evil from the moment you were born." The sorcerer´s words weren't threatening they were just cold. Cold and confident.

"I appreciate that you are ready to talk with me and not just trying to kill me straight away. But you have to realize I can't believe your words no matter what you say." Said Merlin. There was only little sadness on his face but his voice was full of it.

The sorcerer answered quickly looking like he was in pain. "But why not? Everything I have said can be read from the law books of Camelot!"

"Don't you realize what it would do to me; to believe Arthur would betray my trust after all we have been through together? Yes, that is exactly what I'm afraid of but I can't believe it because it would destroy me. I have lost every bit of innocence I had in me, I have stained my hands in blood, I have lost friends and family_, I_ _have lost my life in daylight_ since I have been forced to live in the shadows for so long! All those sacrifices that I have done for Arthur´s wellbeing would have been for nothing if he was to turn against me. I have cherished his trust and fought for his friendship for so long that sometimes I don't recognize my eyes anymore when I see my own reflection. If I had lost all for nothing it would turn me into a bitter and bloodthirsty monster." By the end of his little speech Merlin looked haunted and fearful but never vulnerable. Not in front of the enemy.

"Isn't it ironic, that situation you are describing? If those words of yours ever reach King Arthur´s ears he will be miserable because he has fought his whole life for unjustified causes. And if you hear The King saying you are a treacherous beast after fighting years for him then you _will_ turn into that very beast. There will be agony no matter the outcome. You will end up like so many of us seeking revenge. You will end up like me."

Merlin chuckled coldly. "I wouldn't turn to be like you. I would be much more destructive. That's one of the reasons I can't let myself believe you."

"Much more destructive? How so?" asked the sorcerer frowning.

"Because I would succeed. I am the shield between Camelot and every single one of those angered magical beings out there. I have cherished the trust of The King for years. I have allies. If I were to need an army I would have it gathered in two days. I have my birth right, my blood. I have all the power I could ever need running through my veins." Merlin said all that quietly without any passion. Like he was afraid voicing his thoughts would turn them in to reality. He inhaled and continued.

"The walls of Camelot would crumble just by me leaving the city. I could attack The King, my friend, the heart of Camelot and destroy him with my words. With just ordinary words not even magic in them. Or I could just demolish the city of Camelot; end its existence on this earth. I can't believe your words but do you believe these words of mine?" Merlin ended his speech with a little delicate question and sad little smile on his lips.

The sorcerer sighed and answered calmly and ever as confidently.

"You would succeed."

For a while there were just them and the silence when they watched each other. Merlin was the one who broke it.

"I have promised to myself that Arthur himself is the only one who can make me believe he is not worth it."

"… He is doing quite great job at that already, isn't he?"

"… yes…"

And from everything what he had heard while hiding in the nearby bushes that one little word was like a blade going through Arthur´s chest.

* * *

I wanted to try to write a story with more conversation than usually in my scribbles. So this one ended up to be all chatter. Good? Bad? I know you have an opinion, please let me know what it is!

Thank you!


End file.
